Mother’s Day

I like many other women celebrated Mother’s Day. Its a day that I didn’t always embrace. I would go through the motions. Of course, I loved my cards that me sons made for me. My sons are the brightest thing in my life. But I also missed my mother. I hated how my sons didn’t get to know her.

My mom died when I was 27 years old. I felt like I was cheated of her presence for so many years. She was great. She was kind and caring. Honest. She shared with me on so many levels. I know how I came into this world. She didn’t sugar coat life. But along with that, I hated the cards that life dealt her. And her death was another tough blow. My twin sons were only 2 when she died.

I mourned her death too long. So did my sister. It was maybe a few years ago that I felt the cloud of sadness lift. I knew she would have been angry that I held onto her for so long. I was barely functioning for years. I now realize that my emotions were all over the place. I would cry so much and then not care about anything in the world.

My sons were my saving grace. So of course, I was a helicopter mother, lol. No, but I made sure that we maintained a closeness while juggling lifes ups and downs. You know, homework, chores, work, etc.

So, this year we walked around. I enjoyed the fresh air and their company. They are grown and working. They are productive citizens of the world. They are sweet. I can’t get enough of their hugs and love. I’ve even told them I don’t need anything. I’ve had the flowers, balloons, and sweets. I just wanted their presence not presents.

I enjoyed sitting on my son’s deck. Looking at his backyard. Wow. How far we’ve come. I embrace the time I have on this earth. I love the flowers I walk past and the ones I’m trying to grow. My sweeties are men. And I didn’t do it alone. I found a great community in Upstate NY. And I had my Mom. She gave me a great foundation. I just passed on what I could to them. Lots of hugs, love and watching what grew from there.

And I look forward to next Mother’s Day.

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Writing Y

Writing Y

I am a mom of grown twin sons, a wife, a resident of Upstate NY and embracing who I am with God’s grace. I am still healing and am still finding myself.